Moments

I had the SCARIEST moment of my life yesterday. I'm not exaggerating. Lincoln has been sick for weeks. He's been throwing up on and off, he's had a cold, and he's had constant diarreah. His appetite has been gone, and I can tell he's losing weight. I've been really worried about him anyway, and yesterday he put the cherry on top of the worry heap. I got him out of the bath and cuddled him up in the towel. He was fine until I took off the towel. He opened his mouth and I was waiting for the wail to come out (you know that silence before the mighty scream). I put lotion on him and tried to convince him to calm down. I kept waiting for the scream, but the seconds ticked by and it never came. His lips, inner mouth, and face turned blue. I picked him up so he would calm down, but his face was frozen with this look of terror on it. I started getting frantic and screaming for Swen. Suddenly Lincoln went limp in my arms. His eyes were staring and he was totally limp. You can probably imagine the first thought that came into my head, which I am too chicken to type. Swen came running in response to my screams, and the moment was suspended in time. FINALLY, a weak little cry came out. He was okay. He had just passed out.

Experiences like that have a way of causing great reflection on the fragility of life. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time rocking him and reading him stories yesterday. Keeping the house clean took a lot less of my time. I've been thinking about the little moments that I pass by because I'm too anxious to plan the next task and check it off my list. Here are some of my favorite memories.

Christmas 2006. Swen and the boys got dart tag from Santa, and they had a mighty battle all over the house. I smiled and allowed myself to enjoy the chaos for a little while, until I put an end to it so we could get on with Christmas plans. I've wished many times since then that I could have that moment back. I'd let them play for hours.

I love Christmas. One of my favorite moments of the whole year is when the kids put on their new jammies on Christmas Eve. It's so magical.

Lincoln was so cute on his first birthday. He ate this little cake all by himself.

A new baby is the most wonderful thing in the world. Lincoln has added so much love to our family. Here are pics of him meeting each of us.

Here is Lincoln's first time swinging. A new baby has so many firsts, and each one is a happy moment that you remember again and again.

Our first camping trip with 4 kids. Even though it was cut short by a rainstorm and a leaking tent, we still talk about how much fun we had.

As scary as it was, I'm glad that I had a little wake-up call yesterday. I'm going to try harder to recognize the little moments that bring me joy, and allow myself to pause and enjoy them.