Good Enough

The other day, my single friend asked me what I do all day. I answered, "Clean my house," in an unexcited voice. When I got home I started really thinking about that question. What DO I do all day? And am I really unexcited about my position as a mother and wife? And what kind of impression do I want to give to others about my important role?

The truth is, I LOVE MY JOB! When I think about doing anything else besides being at home with my kids, I get sad. And I don't just clean all day. I strive every day to spend quality time with my kids and my love. I strive to improve myself and my family physically, mentally, and spiritually. I also devote time to cleaning my house, but I've realized that if this becomes my primary goal and focus, I drown in discouragement and I NEVER FEEL FULFILLED.

So this is what I do all day. At first glance, it seems that I could have answered her question, "What do you do all day?" with "Fail." But, Swen and the spirit tell me that any day I get to spend with my kids is a success, and I believe them. (At least I constantly remind myself to believe THEIR words, and not the words of discouragement that come from the little devil on my other shoulder.)

Ideal

Reality

6:00 Hop out of bed, enthused and ready for the day. Grab my scriptures, and enjoy a 1/2 hour of uplifting study of the upcoming Sunday school lesson with Swen.

6:00 Alarm goes off. Is nighttime over already? Alyssa woke up 3 times last night! I drag myself out of bed around 6:05 about 3 of 7 mornings, and TRY (but usually fail) to keep my eyes open while Swen and I read the Sunday school lesson.

6:30 Bury myself in meditation on the words of the past conference talks

6:30 Still trying to stay awake, but my head keeps dropping onto my chest

7:00 Time for family scripture study!

7:00 Family scripture study is usually a success unless Lincoln and Alyssa are awake. They are very distracting

7:20 Family Prayer

7:25 Convince the boys to roll off the couch and stop wrestling so we can pray together

7:25 The boys QUICKLY shower and get dressed. They make their beds, clean their rooms, say their morning prayers, and come down with MATCHING clothes.

7:30 Does the word HURRY even register with 7 and 9 year old boys? And why does Isaac insist on wearing the same pants 3 days in a row? "Red shorts and an orange shirt do NOT look good together, and you can't wear shorts in the winter."

7:45 Breakfast. Those who will not be exercising in 15 minutes sit down to a healthy, steaming hot breakfast while we enjoy meaningful conversation.

7:50 The word hurry is still not registering with the boys. They owe me 5 minutes of work when they come home because AGAIN they are 5 minutes late for breakfast. They quickly stuff 3/4 of their breakfast down

8:00 Time to catch the bus!

8:03 HURRY boys! RUN for the bus! Hope you catch it! I love you! See you after school! Have a wonderful day! Isaac, please remember to wear your coat so you won't get too cold! Joseph, don't forget to turn in your homework and look for your jacket in the lost and found! BYE!

8:01 Head to the gym with Swen, Lissy, Lincoln. Put the babies in the playroom, then do 40 minutes of cardio, 20 minutes of weight lifting

8:20 Raaaar! It takes so long to get out the door with 2 little ones! Working out feels great.

9:15 Eat breakfast, shower, be ready for the day by 10:00

9:30 Eat breakfast, get wrapped up in some kind of distraction, peek-a-boo with Lincoln, dance with Alyssa

10:00 Morning clean-up, Lincoln's nap, Spend individual time with Lissy, set daily goals, get projects done, be organized, mark some tasks off my list

10:30 I REALLY need to take a shower! I'm still in my stinky workout clothes! This house is a total disaster. I hope no one comes over right now....DING DONG! What song do you want to sing now, Lissy? (on top of old smoky) "On top of Alyssa, all covered with hair, She had a bird, on top of a pear..." Yes, we are best friends, sweetie, you are my favorite girl in the whole wide world. I love you, too.

12:30 Hello Lincoln! I'm so glad you woke up! Let's have lunch!

12:30 Hello Lincoln! I'm so glad you woke up! Let's have lunch! The house is still a disaster, my hair is still wet from my shower, I have no make-up on, but at least the kids are healthy and happy. Thank you for that nice hug, Lissy.

1:00 Time for Lissy's nap. Spend meaningful time with Lincoln, mark more tasks off my list

1:30 Lissy, you really need to take a nap now. No more drinks, no more potty, no more stories, your blankie is right here, don't come out again or you'll have to go to time-out.

1:45 The house is still a mess. Try not to get discouraged because it's useless to try to accomplish anything when Lincoln hangs on my pants and cries when I walk out of his sight. Catch the ball, Link, here it comes, now roll it back. Good boy, you are so smart!

3:00 Wake Lissy up, say goodnight to Link again.

3:30 Do I really have to wake Lissy up? It's so nice when she's asleep! Hello, beautiful! I'm so happy to see you. How was your nap? What did you dream about?

4:00 The boys come home from school and enjoy a small, healthy snack while we have great conversation about every detail of their day at school. They finish their homework and piano practicing QUICKLY AND WITHOUT COMPLAINT, then they are able to go out and enjoy some fresh air before dinner.

4:00 The boys come home STARVING TO DEATH and gorge themselves on the most unhealthy food they can find. They don't want to stop, they don't care if their appetites are spoiled, and they would really rather play than do homework and piano practicing. Their days were "great." Recess was "fine." Lunch was "good."

5:00 Start making dinner while the kids all play quietly together. Swen comes home from work and is very helpful.

5:15 The boys are still trying to do homework, due to procrastination. I try to make dinner while... helping them with homework, refereeing the fighting, trying to keep Lincoln to stop clinging to the back of my legs, talking on the phone, and continually asking Lissy to stop crawling through the food mess on the counter. Where is Swen?

6:00 Dinner is served. The WHOLE family loves the nice, well-rounded dinner I prepared. We all enjoy deep conversation together.

6:45 Dinner will be ready in just a minute! I know you're hungry. Maybe you could help instead of complaining. Will you call daddy and see where he is?

7:00 Dinner is FINALLY served. Hey Baby! I'm so glad you came home, we were just about to start without you! We sometimes try to use good manners, and any conversation is okay as long as it doesn't dwell too much on gross bodily functions.

6:30 We all help to clean the kitchen, then we have some quality family time

7:45 I start cleaning the kitchen while trying to manage the kids' bedtime routine. Thanks for rinsing out the dishes, babe, would you mind loading them, too?

7:45 Get the kids ready for bed, family prayer

8:00 Family prayer--settle down guys, it shouldn't take 5 minutes of us kneeling here to get ready to pray!

8:00 Read Link a story, sing him a song, and say goodnight. Sing Lissy a song, help her with prayers, read her a story, and say goodnight. Tell the boys they can read until 8:30

8:15 Sing a song to Link, say goodnight. Tell the boys to read for a few minutes before bed. Brush Alyssa's teeth, help her go potty, get her jammies on, help her with prayers, read her a story, convince her that one is enough, sing her a song, say goodnight, shut the door. Get Alyssa a drink, shut the door. Find the silky, shut the door. Help with potties again, shut the door. That's enough! Would you like to stay in bed or go to time out?

8:30 Goodnight Boys! Spend some quality time with Swen talking about our day, maybe read together or dance a little in the family room

8:45 Tuck the boys in, sing a song and say goodnight. Answer all the deep questions that have plagued their minds for the past month, and say goodnight again.

9:00 Alyssa, it's SERIOUSLY time to say goodnight. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW!

9:30 Time out for Lissy. Hopefully for the last time.

9:45 Say hi to Swen, ask how his day was, and join him on the small chair for a little bit of politics on TV

10:30 Lights out! We're ready for bed. See you tomorrow.

11:30 Hey, babe, we probably better go to bed now. I'm so tired I can hardly move. I really don't want to get ready for bed, can I just crawl right into the nice, soft sheets? It's a good thing I never put on make-up today, because I don't feel like washing my face

12:00 Goodnight, Baby. Kiss, kiss. See you tomorrow.

Newsletter

My sister-in-law, Trina, started the Tadje Family Newsletter almost 12 years ago as a birthday gift to all of us when my brother started med. school. She has kept it up since then, and it's kind of like Tadje family history. All of my siblings contribute, and it's fun to read about what everyone has been doing that month. I haven't been super regular at contributing because somehow I never realize that a new month has started until the 6th or 7th, and then it's too late. I've been so excited for spring to come, however, that I'm very aware that March is here! Hooray! Here is my "news" from the month of February:

Hello All! I'm happy that I'm "with it" enough at the beginning of this lovely month of March to remember to contribute to the newsletter. In January, I was reveling in life, thinking about how wonderful everything was going. I always get a little panicky when I feel that way, because it lasts for about 20 minutes before something happens to rock the boat. This time was no different! As you probably know, Swen was laid off on Feb. 1. Because of the housing market right now, Woodside had to close his model home. Instead of the panic that we should have felt, however, we felt the Lord's comfort and guidance. Swen was able to put his license in with Coldwell Banker, and we're excited for the opportunities that lie ahead.

The kids are getting used to their new school, and we've been proud of them as they've worked hard to be good examples to those around them. Isaac came home from school one day and told me about how the boys he plays with use terrible language and tell inappropriate jokes. I was shocked at some of the things he's hearing in 4th grade--stuff I didn't hear until about 9 grade. I instantly told him that he should just find other people to play with. The spirit quickly told me that this wasn't the right reaction, however, and I felt like we should "research" the answer. We looked up past articles in the friend on lds.org that had to do with friends who swear. All of them talked about being a good example and asking them to not swear around you. Isaac took the counsel and asked his friends to stop swearing around him. I was really proud of him.

Joseph is enjoying this neighborhood because there are lots of friends to play with. He's also excited that he has been able to start piano lessons. He keeps a Book of Mormon in his back pack just in case he has the opportunity to share it. I was surprised at how few members of the church there are. I think Isaac only has one other boy in his class, and Joseph has only one other that he knows of. Joseph had the opportunity to bear his testimony to a girl the other day who believes in reincarnation. I'm constantly grateful for Joseph's help with the little ones. He is so good at volunteering to play with Lincoln while I make dinner.

Alyssa is finally getting the potty-training down. Holy Cow! It has been a long and messy process! She is so funny. We have a room full of toys, but the only time she plays with them is when a friend comes over. She prefers instead to follow me around and talk to me all day. If I try to talk to Swen or Lincoln, she'll say, "Mama! Stop talking! Look at me!" She loves to be the center of attention. It's a constant effort to try and teach her boundaries and the meaning of "NO". She's so sweet, though, and full of love. She really knows how to wrap people around her finger with her little flitty and flirty ways. (It's a little scary!)

Lincoln is finally over his sickness (whatever it was) and is getting fatter by the second. He seriously eats more than I do. His tummy looks and feels like he swallowed a little basketball. He is laid back until it comes to food. I have to keep a constant flow, or he screams intensely enough that it sounds like he's in serious pain. He's getting close to walking, but he doesn't have the drive to make it happen. He's really happy just pulling himself up the back of my pant legs and riding on my hip all day. He's gotten VERY clingy, and I'm hoping it's just because he's bored with crawling. I'm hoping that once he learns how to walk, he will decide it's okay if I leave the room that he's in. He's getting really good at giggling. It's still a novel sound for us, so whenever he starts laughing, the whole family comes running to join in the gleeful sound.

We love you all so much! Love, Howards

Hottie

I'm sorry. I know that no one else, except perhaps Swen's mother, will be able to appropriately agree with me, but ISN'T HE A TOTAL HOTTIE? OUCH! He just had this picture taken for his business card, and I just keep looking at it. Just had to share.

Moments

I had the SCARIEST moment of my life yesterday. I'm not exaggerating. Lincoln has been sick for weeks. He's been throwing up on and off, he's had a cold, and he's had constant diarreah. His appetite has been gone, and I can tell he's losing weight. I've been really worried about him anyway, and yesterday he put the cherry on top of the worry heap. I got him out of the bath and cuddled him up in the towel. He was fine until I took off the towel. He opened his mouth and I was waiting for the wail to come out (you know that silence before the mighty scream). I put lotion on him and tried to convince him to calm down. I kept waiting for the scream, but the seconds ticked by and it never came. His lips, inner mouth, and face turned blue. I picked him up so he would calm down, but his face was frozen with this look of terror on it. I started getting frantic and screaming for Swen. Suddenly Lincoln went limp in my arms. His eyes were staring and he was totally limp. You can probably imagine the first thought that came into my head, which I am too chicken to type. Swen came running in response to my screams, and the moment was suspended in time. FINALLY, a weak little cry came out. He was okay. He had just passed out.

Experiences like that have a way of causing great reflection on the fragility of life. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time rocking him and reading him stories yesterday. Keeping the house clean took a lot less of my time. I've been thinking about the little moments that I pass by because I'm too anxious to plan the next task and check it off my list. Here are some of my favorite memories.

Christmas 2006. Swen and the boys got dart tag from Santa, and they had a mighty battle all over the house. I smiled and allowed myself to enjoy the chaos for a little while, until I put an end to it so we could get on with Christmas plans. I've wished many times since then that I could have that moment back. I'd let them play for hours.

I love Christmas. One of my favorite moments of the whole year is when the kids put on their new jammies on Christmas Eve. It's so magical.

Lincoln was so cute on his first birthday. He ate this little cake all by himself.

A new baby is the most wonderful thing in the world. Lincoln has added so much love to our family. Here are pics of him meeting each of us.

Here is Lincoln's first time swinging. A new baby has so many firsts, and each one is a happy moment that you remember again and again.

Our first camping trip with 4 kids. Even though it was cut short by a rainstorm and a leaking tent, we still talk about how much fun we had.

As scary as it was, I'm glad that I had a little wake-up call yesterday. I'm going to try harder to recognize the little moments that bring me joy, and allow myself to pause and enjoy them.

Change

We've had a detour on our life plan this last week. Swen was laid off from his job last Friday (Woodside has to close down his model home). The same day as our first house payment was due. 5 days after he was called as the unemployment specialist in our ward. 2 weeks after we asked the boys in an attitude Family Home Evening what would be the hardest thing for them to bear, and their answer was daddy losing his job. Life is so ironic sometimes. We felt great peace afterward, however, especially after we were led to D&C 100 and felt that it was speaking directly to us.

He has put his license in with Coldwell Banker, however, and is excited to be a real estate agent for them. Being an agent out in the field and on his own schedule is totally different than selling out of a model home, but he's up for the challenge. We feel like this will turn out to be a blessing, because the Lord has a way of turning lemons into lemonade. :).

Friday Night Date

For our Friday Night Date, Swen and I created a playlist for our blog. We had so much fun listening and dancing to our faves. Swen got a little carried away while I was putting chickies to bed, however, that is why you will find excessive amounts of Steve Miller Band, Boston, and even Guns and Roses. He still knew every word to "Sweet Child of Mine". Gimme a break! He's clearly 5 years older than I am!

The most amazing woman I know...

Having just read Rebecca's most recent posting, I'm more convinced than ever that she represents to me the finest woman I know. If her list of 'facts' represent the worst confessions she can possibly divulge (& I think they do), then one would certainly be hard-pressed to find much fault w/ not liking to 'get ready for bed' or 'putting away laundry' (who really does?) or not be able to keep the home spotless at every moment of the day. On the contrary, such a sordid revelation would rather lead someone to conclude that Rebecca must indeed be someone rather remarkable. With imperfections as minute as those, who needs mention strengths...they surely speak for themselves w/o saying any words.

Despite Rebecca's burning desire to keep beautiful order & cleanliness in our home (which she somehow manages to maintain amid the often familial mahem she courageously faces every day), Rebecca consistently chooses the 'better part' (as the story goes w/ Jesus, Mary & Martha) when it comes to taking time to help Isaac w/ his homework & compliment him on his work, or answer one of Joseph's many wonderful, but sometimes perplexing questions, or comfort Alyssa as she displays a teary performance worthy of an Oscar, or letting Lincoln tug at her pant leg, to which Rebecca quickly relents & scoops him up to attach himself to the favorite spot on her hip.

This, of course, all transpires while trying to make dinner one-handed & thinking about the laundry list of tasks she wanted to accomplish during the day, but has succeeded only in bringing happiness, love & harmony into our home. WOW!!! What a woman! I love Rebecca for all her patience, her devotion, her unselfishness & her desire to follow our Lord & Savior. How blessed I am to know her & to be a recipient of her sweet love & association. How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that she is the mother of our children. Surely, any greatness they will acheive will in large part be due to their Rebecca's nurturing influence. I love her dearly & pray for an eternity together with her by my side. Love you babe. Your #1 fan, Swen.